So, an interesting thing happened a few weeks ago. A romantic partner from several years back reached out to me. The timing of the reconnection seemed ‘right’, in the sense that I feel a level of confidence in the relationships I have – we’ve learned and grown through what we’ve been through together, and more importantly, I’ve learned and grown – and I believe we all feel capable of handling the inclusion of my former lover.
It strikes me as surreal to even be typing this. I don’t know how its possible to be graced by such loving, mature, and accepting men. I don’t feel I’ve done anything to deserve them, but I plan on being really damn grateful every day.
I continue to be amazed by the friendship growing between my husband and boyfriend. I realize how much they’ve needed each other – how they’ve needed a male friend to confide in. Kink drove us into a common closet, and so the acceptance each of us has for the others’ specific desires allows us the freedom of vulnerability. That alone is an amazing gift. I know there are things they can share with each other that they wouldn’t share with anyone else.
My renewed connection is evolving slowly by design. We’ve texted regularly over these past few weeks, getting reacquainted. He’s seeking a long-term connection, a friendship. He doesn’t want to pursue additional romantic partners. I can appreciate his desire for a level of intimacy that’s distinct from a primary relationship, but which is something more than a transaction. In fact, it synchs quite well with my own needs (it only works for me if there’s an intellectual and emotional connection) and also with our broader poly dynamic.
I’ll admit, my head is spinning. I’m excited and happy. I feel undeservedly blessed. I also feel a little overwhelmed, apprehensive about my ability to be a good communicator and remain mindful of everyone’s feelings. I don’t want to repeat previous mistakes. More people means more opportunities to get complacent or tired or anything else that leads to someone being hurt.
It’s the trust I have in my husband and boyfriend that gives me confidence to move forward. I trust in their ability and willingness to voice any concerns, and know they’ll always come right to me if something is bothering them. I trust that if any jealousy arises, they’ll work through it in a positive fashion. I believe it’s far more likely they feel excitement. I know they’re both happy for me. I know how new relationship energy can fan the flames all around, and that they’re looking forward to being beneficiaries.
Yes, I’m a slut. And damn proud of it.