The Boyfriend is back with something he’s been musing on lately.
Since we resumed dating last year The HauteWife (HW) has been joining me in a couple of my social circles. Early on, she offered to take off her wedding ring set if it would be more comfortable for me. I had already been thinking about it and couldn’t think of a good reason to ask her to pretend to be something she wasn’t, namely unmarried. A few people know I’m in a relationship with a married woman, but I’m not out as polyamorous to folks in general. That being said, I’m not worried about them finding out. Most people are either oblivious to her ring, choose not to think about it, or silently judge her (us). In one case, a friend of mine approached HW with genuine curiosity to ask about the ring on her left hand. HW matter-of-factly explained that she was married, we were dating, and her husband was supportive. My friend, in her mid-70s, was extremely cool about it and has not treated us any differently after learning this about us.
One aspect of my relationship with HW is a Dominant/submissive dynamic in the BDSM sense where she is submissive to me. The particulars of D/s relationships are as varied as polyamorous relationships; in our case it’s primarily something we slip into and out of during sexy time. A common token in BDSM circles of a D/s relationship is a collar that the dominant gives to the submissive to wear as a visible token of the relationship, not unlike a ring. The collar could be leather, metal, chain, lace, bold, subtle, functional, decorative; it might not be a collar at all but some other piece of jewelry; it might take a key or tool held by the dominant to remove the collar; it may be worn full-time or as a way of signifying switching into D/s mode.
When HW and I first dated nearly a decade ago I had a narrow black leather collar with a small ring on the front that I would put around her neck when we were moving into that D/s space. It’s difficult to describe the sense of joy and pride and awe that I experienced seeing her wearing my collar … and often nothing else. When we resumed our D/s relationship last year I wanted to give her a collar that made more of a statement. I chose one made of ¼” round stainless steel stock with a hidden hinge and hidden closure. It suits her much better than the leather collar ever did, and my heart swells twice as much when she wears it. She wore this collar for D/s time, then when we went to kink events, and eventually all day whenever we were together. As an experiment she wore it overnight and found it didn’t get in the way of sleeping.
Before I could ask, HW offered to wear my collar full-time. I had been thinking about it as a complement to her wedding ring, a sign of her connection with the other guy in her life. I asked her to discuss this with her husband (a/k/a Mr. Metamor, MM), and he endorsed it. After her next visit I dropped her off at home with my collar still around her neck. I left a wrench with MM in case it needed to come off. A couple days later, the collar had become too much for HW. I was pleasantly surprised by how little disappointment I felt. Her offer before I asked and willingness to give it a try said everything a pretty chunk of metal never could.
Not long after this HW asked if I would wear a ring she gave me. Before I could tell her, “Oh hell, yes!” she clarified that she was suggesting we wear matching rings. “Oh hell yes, squared!” She already had a few candidate rings picked out, and we chose simple silver bands engraved inside with our names and anniversary date. I later found out that she, still riding the current of new relationship energy, had assumed these rings would be okay with MM. Though the timing of their conversation wasn’t optimal, MM was fine with it. After the rings arrived we got all dressed up and went to a fancy restaurant for a fabulous meal. Between the main course and dessert we said some words to each other in the candlelight and put the rings on each other’s right-hand ring fingers.
HW stills wears my collar now and then, for some of our sexy times and other times when we’re out and about as a kick-ass piece of jewelry with its special meaning. I’ve worn the ring proudly ever since that special dinner. Nobody has commented on my ring, so as far as I know, folks are either oblivious to it, choose not to think about it, or silently judge me.