Whether you’re looking for a FWB or the match of a lifetime, the competition for women’s attention is fierce. The ratio of men to women across dating sites is so slanted, there’s a literal feeding frenzy whenever a woman sets up a new profile. I’ve used dating sites myself, and can attest, the initial onslaught of messages is overwhelming.
So, I thought I’d do you guys a solid, and dispense some womanly wisdom on this subject. You may read on and think, “obvious, I already do these things”. That’s great! Just know that some of you out there are the reason Good Personal Hygiene shows up on “what do you seek in a partner?” checklists. You mean that’s not a given?
If it seems a lot of women on dating sites are defensive, you’re right. That initial onslaught is one reason why. It makes them feel like chum in the water. The first bit of advice I’ll give is that if you can be sensitive to this, you’ll fare much better.
Knowing that women receive solicitations from a lot of guys who are not even close to their type, do the ladies a favor when you decide to message them; make reading your message and profile worth their time.
When it comes to your profile, you don’t need to write a novel, but you should write more than just one or two lines. Pay attention to grammar and spelling. This is a demonstration of your effort as a partner. An incomplete profile tells women you don’t care or are lazy, and provides too little detail for them to find you interesting.
Be honest and specific about what you want, and what you enjoy giving as a partner.
Don’t try to make yourself sound smarter than you are. I’ve seen more than a fair share of sophisticated words on profiles used out of context or horribly misspelled. Either way, it fails to impress. Just be yourself.
Use a CURRENT photo, preferably a candid shot, where your features are not obscured by glasses/hat/outerwear or poor focus. Don’t send pictures of your junk unless she asks for it.
Start your message by mentioning what stood out about her profile. What caught your attention? (If you haven’t actually read her profile, now would be a really good time to do so.) Put the focus on her as a conversation starter. Then, tell her a bit more about yourself; your immediate hopes and goals (i.e., if you’re recently divorced, are you looking to take things slow? Is companionship more important to you than romance?) Be prepared to reveal something along these lines.
Don’t write, “I read your profile… and I’m the one you’re looking for”. That is for her to decide. You insult a woman when you try to ride rough-shod over things which are entirely her prerogative.
And, unless you’re both on the site for NSA sex, don’t push for a meeting with your first message. Let her set the pace.
Please, please, please…accept a turn-down graciously, and thank her for taking the time to reply.
Don’t hound a woman to “just give me a chance…you’d really like me if only you’d take the time to get to know me.” Women detest being questioned when they’ve made up their minds. This is another reason for the defensiveness I mentioned earlier.
If you’re curious about a rejection, it’s okay to ask why, if done politely. Most women will be direct and thoughtful about their response if they believe your interest is sincere. Whatever she shares with you, it’s important to respect her answer. Take her at her word, and thank her for her honesty.
The bottom line guys, is be a gentleman!