Some of my original readers may be wondering, why did I start a sexuality/lifestyle blog, if so much of my writing was going to revolve around the metaphysical? Since when did a discussion about sex and relationships become the basis for an exploration of spirituality?
My answer is simple: It’s all one and the same.
I am what I believe myself to be; in mind, body, and spirit. My perspective on sex and sexual relationships is informed by what I think about life, myself, and other people. And my relationship with myself (and with my Higher Power) influences all my other relationships.
My blog reflects the way my emerging sexuality has led to growth in other areas of my life. That growth is a precious gift…and one I perhaps never could receive as a monogamous individual, as monogamy didn’t present me with the same questions I’ve had to answer as an ethical slut. The shift in perspective on relationships has forced me to become more explicit about my values and desires. It has forced me to think about the person I am as a partner. At times, putting myself under that lens has been challenging and unsettling, but I’m grateful for what I’ve learned.
We ask a great deal of the other person in monogamous relationships. We entrust that person to be who and what we need, especially in times of difficulty. How many of us cannot even be what we need? And if we don’t understand, or just can’t fulfill these basic needs for ourselves, how on earth can we expect anyone else to do so?
Polyamory affords me the opportunity to explore various aspects of myself, including my sexuality. And I hope it allows my partners the same.
I hope it offers my husband a sense of relief and freedom, not just in pursuit of his own values and goals, but also regarding his responsibilities as a partner. I hope that he finds 1) I am a healthier partner, and can take better care of myself and my needs, whatever those may be; 2) he has other people he can rely on for help/advice/perspective in his relationship with me (in particular, another male view); and 3) it eliminates any fear of him ever losing me to another person.
I hope it offers my boyfriend the satisfaction of a committed, loving relationship, even as he continues to pursue a primary relationship of his own. I hope that the security and stability of our relationship can alleviate some of the stress of dating so he can be at ease when he’s out with other women.
And I hope, too, it provides them both what they want and need, for they are the best judges of such things; my hopes for them come only from my perspective, and as well as I know these two amazing men, I realize I don’t always understand what’s in their best interests.
And as for sex…
Sex can be transactional (and that’s okay!), or it can be sacred; an activity we engage in (alone, with another, or with multiple others) to the fullest depths of our souls. Like everything else in our lives, it is what we make of it. We imbue it with meaning.